DEFINITION:
Abuse is anything that is harmful, injurous,or offensive. Including excessive wrongful misuse of a substance.
There are several major types of abuse:
Physical. Sexual, Financial, Racial, Emotional, Substance, Neglect.
Despite popular misconception, the biggest form of abuse is NEGLECT.
Abuse whether done intentionally or unintentionally can have Life-Long lasting and very damaging effects.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE - DONT HESITATE - ASK FOR HELP !
With these difficult days when we are forced to stay at home, sometimes with our abuser, levels of abuse can be much higher. But the 'Lockdown' and not being able to go out does not mean that you have to put up with it.
If you are suffering from abuse,
contact the number shown and talk!
Help and advice will be given to ensure your safety.
The new Helpline for Male victims of domestic abuse is open Mon - Fri and be accessed using 1800 816 588
Monday: 10am - 6pm. Tuesday: 12pm - 8pm. Wednesday: 10am - 6pm. Thursday: 12pm - 8pm. Friday: 2pm - 6pm
Domestic Violence increased 30% in the U.S. during the first two months of Covid-19. The UK saw a 25% increase.
There are many forms of abuse, each has it's own causes; effects and possible ways of easing the situation, I say 'ease' and not 'cure', as although the abuse may be stopped, the past can not be changed or erased, and the effects it has on the victim can not be totally removed. The only thing possible through help and support is to help the victim find new coping mechanisms, and to create new ways of dealing with the situation and lessening some of the long term effects it has created.
Bullying is not just a form of physical abuse, it can also be in many other forms, sometimes a combination of many at the same time.
Just because your child has no bruises or physical signs of being abused do not brush the subject aside, they could be suffering internally from Emotional abuse; Financial abuse; Racial abuse or Substance abuse.
For far too many years, bullying within Schools was brushed aside by the teachers as being 'Just kids playing', with an uncaring attitude of ignore it and it may go away.
Some Parents and Teacher's who had grown up in the post war culture took the appalling 'pre-soldier' attitude towards bullying, in that it didn't really hurt and that it was actually 'Character Building', that it was normal and just part of the process of growing up, accompanied by a few ill informed statements of 'It will make a man of you!' or something similar, and from then on it was ignored and no further action taken.
At last bullying is being taken seriously, the post war attitudes have faded although have not gone completely, and Schools have now introduced anti-bullying policies which are helping to reduce the amount of bullying.
Policies alone however do not stop it, it takes the understanding of teaching staff, parents and other pupils, and it takes observance and the freedom and ability to act upon it that really makes the difference.
I personally suffered much bullying during my school years, abuse which continued to have effects long afterwards and and continues to do so even now I am 60.
You can read my story by clicking the button below
Bullying is not just limited to young children in the school playground, it can happen to any age from a new born Baby to a Great-Great- Grandparent.
It can happen in many places, at Home from family members or family friends, at school, within groups or at the workplace, even in retirement homes and residential complexes. It can happen to anyone anywhere!
Similarly those who abuse can be of any age, it is not limited to similar age groups, and more an more cases are coming to light of young children even as young as three years old bullying their own parents, grandparents or the elderly.
Long Term Effects:
Bullying can have lasting or even permanent effect on the victim's life, it does not always end for them when the bullying is stopped, the emotional effects caused by bullying can continue throughout their life and can have a direct influence on personal development and the working life of the individual, and can even change their character. Some will become timid; suppressed; fearful; anxious; depressed, be pushed into Anorexia or Bulimia, or suffer from mental illnesses. To a few others it can push them to become bullies themselves.
The old 'Character building / toughing up process' attitude only promoted bullying, it gave the bullies a 'get out of jail free' card, it let them off and stopped them realising the damage they were causing, making them think it was OK to continue. It also did little to set a role model for life and many continue to bully throughout the rest of their lives in relationships and marriages; and in work environments causing pain or grief to others, only their victims change!
Social situations can sometimes set limitations, and these can then influence if not generate bullying or abuse. Financial hardship for instance from unemployment or through illness can induce the need to make do with lower grade housing; lack of suitable food; and can limit or even prevent the ability for parents to buy clothing / equipment / toys / computers etc., that match those of their peers. Although this is not intentionally done by parents, it is important for them to be observant for abuse this can cause, and also be careful with their own actions so they do not 'add fuel to the fire' and create the possibility of bullying and abuse.
Many of us, if not all, will have endured or experienced some form of abuse throughout our life, some may even still be accepting it as 'Normal Behaviour'. It is important that everybody children and adults, understand not just the types of abuse, but how they can have have lifelong damaging effects, and become observant and pro-active against abuse so that we may reduce if not eliminate any abuse that comes our way or towards others we know.
An estimated 2 million adults experienced domestic abuse across the UK each year. If you’re concerned about someone trapped in a cycle of abuse, you can contact us by phone and online, 24/7, 365 days a year. CrimeStoppers a charity for you. Speak up. Stop crime. Stay safe.
Credit to: Crimestoppers UK
Using the exercise in this story is a good way of getting the point across that bullying of any kind is not acceptable. Try it with your children now!
The risks and dangers present to our children in the Internet age, how to spot them and protect your child.
THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DISCLOSURE SCHEME
DEFINITION:
The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) enables people to apply for information about their partner’s (or ex-partner’s) history if they’re concerned about their own safety. It also enables a concerned family member, friend, neighbour or colleague to apply for that information to protect someone they believe to be at risk of harm.
But this needs to be made aware to the whole of the UK!
The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) enables people to apply for information about their partner’s (or ex-partner’s) history if they’re concerned about their own safety. It also enables a concerned family member, friend, neighbour or colleague to apply for that information to protect someone they believe to be at risk of harm.
A disclosure means sharing specific information about a partner for the purposes of protecting the person in a relationship with them from domestic violence, and is known as a ‘Right to Ask’ disclosure.
Acting Detective Inspector Daniel Dugan said: “Sometimes people worry their partner might have a history of abuse - there may be signs to indicate that person may have been abusive in the past, or they just have a gut feeling that their relationship could be dangerous. Clare’s Law enables that person, or anyone else who may be concerned, to find out for sure – and anyone can ask for this potentially life-saving information.
“It can help people make an informed decision about whether to continue with a relationship that could become violent or dangerous, and provides support when making that choice.
“This relatively underused tool that can help protect people at risk of abuse. With better awareness, we hope the disclosures will prevent people from becoming victims at the hands of abusers."
Police and statutory partners may also disclose information to an individual even if they haven’t asked, if they believe someone to be at risk, which is known as ‘Right to Know’.
The scheme is known as Clare’s Law because it was introduced across the country in 2014, following the murder of Clare Wood in 2009 by an ex-partner. Tragically Clare was strangled and set on fire at her home in Salford, Greater Manchester, in February 2009 by George Appleton, who had a record of violence against women.
Her family, who campaigned for the introduction of Clare's Law, are convinced she would still be alive had she known the full extent of her partner’s previous behaviour.
Danny Dugan said “We work closely with other agencies to identify those who may be at risk. Disclosures are also made to those that don’t ask for one, if we are made aware of information from police or partners that indicates a person may be at risk of harm from their partner or ex-partner.
“We are working to increase awareness in the community. Posters and booklets are being circulated to all doctors' surgeries and Citizens Advice Centres across Sussex to provide guidance and to encourage people to make an application if they have concerns about their relationship, or someone they know. These are also available on the Sussex Police website.
Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner, Katy Bourne, said; "I wholeheartedly support this Clare’s Law awareness campaign because not enough people know they have the right to know if their partner has a history of domestic abuse or violence.
"Abusers and stalkers can be highly adept at hiding their past and, as we know from too many tragic cases, the realisation of a partner’s true nature often comes too late.
"I urge anybody in any doubt about a partner, or that of a family member, to make an application for a disclosure.
"I completely understand that some people might see this step as a lack of trust with the person they want to trust completely but, if you feel that somebody isn’t right for you, please trust your instincts…you are probably right."
To make a Clare’s Law application contact Sussex Police:
• Visit a police station or speak to any officer
• Email 101@sussex.pnn.police.uk
Phone 101
But if you believe that you or someone else is in immediate danger, always call 999.
Clare's Law Information Page
Coercive Behaviour became a crime in 2015
It's defined as:
Controlling behaviour that has a "serious effect" on a partner, causing them to fear violence at least twice or causing them serious distress.
Domestic abuse has no age or gender limits, and controlling behaviours can affect everyone.
Admitting abuse can and will be be a very hard thing for your friend to do.
If your friend has admitted to you that abuse occurred or is occurring, then they are already on the right road, they have accepted that something is wrong and realised that they are ready to be helped along, and with your support they now want to tackle the issue. However it must still be at their own pace, not forced, not pushed, not rushed and without any bullying into doing it.
But if they have not admitted it to you, not openly told you, and you only see the signs or have fears that abuse is taking place, then it will be much harder to help them.
Do not think that they feel they cannot trust you or that they do not want your help, they maybe scared and be in fear of reprisals from their abuser, they may feel ashamed or even guilty, and they maybe worried that nobody will believe them.
Breaching the subject with them can be very awkward for them and they may deny it completely,
It can place you in a very uncomfortable position, you so badly want to help them, but it worries you that you might be completely wrong about it, or that it could make the situation worse, and you worry that through bringing the situation up you may lose their friendship.
But as a friend it is your duty to ensure their safety and prevent them from receiving abuse, even if it is at the cost of a friendship.
WE ALL HAVE WHAT IS KNOWN AS 'A DUTY OF CARE', TO KNOW ABOUT OR TO OBSERVE AND THEN DO NOTHING, MAKES US GUILTY!
Although I have had considerable training and experience in dealing with abuse
I am not a 'Professional' Counsellor and only offer my personal outlook on things.
Seeking Professional help and advice is very important
Bringing up the subject can be very hard, so be prepared for a lot of denial. Tell them confidentially that as their friend you have noticed or witnessed abuse, or that you are worried that abuse may be taking place. Reassure them that whatever they tell you will be kept confidential, that you are there to listen but will not take action until they feel ready.
Back up your offer of support by giving them leaflets obtained from your local doctors surgery; library or social service office, provide contact numbers and internet links for support groups in your area and if possible offer them private access to the internet or use of a phone away from their abusive environment.
DO NOT Bully them into taking action.
If denied, then do not over push things, do not demand or bully them to take action, just reassure and keep reaffirming you will be there to listen and help when they are ready.
Do not take unauthorised action on their behalf, UNLESS there is a real risk to their physical health or a risk to their life, or if there are fears for the safety of minors.
If this is so then contact the Police at once.
REMEMBER:
Abuse affects all ages, all sexes, all religions, all races.
Men can also experience abuse.
Although I have had considerable training and experience in dealing with abuse
I am not a 'Professional' Counsellor and only offer my personal outlook on things.
Seeking Professional help and advice is very important
Those that have or are still suffering at the hands of a abuser, can be reluctant if not too frightened to reveal the abuse.
Abusers abuse because they believe they can get away with it. They use fear tactics or the fear of revelation to both control the individual and to protect themselves from being discovered.
Even after the abusive situation has changed or stopped and the person is out of the abusive situation, their thoughts; emotions and actions can still be controlled by the abuser.
The 'Our little secret' can go with you throughout life!
BREAKING THE SECRET
Abusers often use scare tactics to maintain secrecy, threats of 'bad things will happen if you tell' are common, they use the fear of embarrassment or shame, convince the abused that it was 'all their own doing', and that their family and friends will disown them if they tell anyone, or convince them that everyone will believe their side of the story and not the truth.
The 'Secret' can be the main controlling factor, it can be this hidden element that can cause the isolation, the inability to share the knowledge with anyone, and the reluctance to let someone in or to ask for help.
This 'Secret' takes control of your life, controls your relationships; your actions; your trust in others; and even outlook on life itself.
Breaking the secret although sounding a frightening thing to do, can be one of the biggest feelings of relief. Once this secret is broken, then you stand a chance of regaining control of your life.
YOU MUST CONTROL THE 'SECRET', NOT LET THE SECRET CONTROL YOU!
The first step of sharing this very private, intimate and personal secret with someone you trust may seem very daunting, but once done it will help you to lose the feeling of being so alone, it will give you a higher feeling of safety and a feeling of support.
If you are unable to disclose this to a trusted friend or family member, then your doctor can provide confidential help or you can directly approach one of the charity organisations that specialise in help for domestic abuse or sexual abuse.
There are many resources now available on the internet, I have listed some below, many also have in-built safety options so that evidence you have viewed does not remain on your computer maintaining absolute secrecy.
Once the secret has been divulged, then it is not a 'Secret' anymore. The power of the secrecy is taken away and the abusers know that they no longer have this hold over you. This reverses the fear factor, they now become the fearful ones!
It doesn't matter whether the abuse was yesterday or 20 or more years ago!
If the acts undertaken were illegal due to the age of the abused, or the abuse included or includes threat of or actual physical violence, then go straight to the Police. They now have specially trained officers and units who will immediately ensure your safety and give you the support and help you need. They also have contacts with specialised agencies who can provide safe emergency accommodation if required.
You will be surprised at how much help and support is available, it does not matter if you are still in the abusive situation or have already left, Yes it seems a frightening step to take, No it will not be easy for you and Yes you may have to re-live and recount things that you currently feel ashamed of, but this will be done with people who understand what you are going through and will support you. It may seem very hard to do, but what is this compared to the abuse you have suffered and feelings you have been through!
Counselling can certainly help, you need to understand and accept that what has happened was not your fault, that you have been used by someone for their own benefit and gain, that you are not at fault or weak for letting it happen. Abusers work on the mind, they chip away at your confidence, brain wash your mind making you feel worthless; making you believe it is all your doing; what you deserve; or what you should be doing. Reducing you to a level of submissiveness where they can easily take control.
These 'learned' beliefs need to be changed.
A variety of help is available, from Doctors; Counsellors; Charity Organisations and befriending and support groups, Marriage Guidance Counselling, which by the way is not just for 'married' people might be all you require to put things into prospective and get back on track. But for the more serious abuse, that the relationship is either already over or needs to be dissolved, or where there is a need to consider the safety of yourself and any children, then a joint and combined effort of more than one of these services may be needed.
Remember
NO relationship justifies abuse.
NO family member has the right to abuse.
NO person has the right to abuse another.
and if you are receiving abuse of any kind
NOW is the time to STOP it!
Produce a good document that explains the types of abuse.
Bright Sky is a free to download mobile app providing support and information to anyone who may be in an abusive relationship or those concerned about someone they know.
The app is also designed to be used by specialist and non-specialist practitioners and other employers, and for anyone looking for information about issues around domestic abuse such as online safety, stalking and harassment and sexual consent.
The App is available on the App Store and on Google Play, and works in four languages.
Click Image to go to further information
24/7 telephone support for Children suffering from abuse.
Advice and support for rape victims of any age, sex or gender.
Montgomeryshire Family Crisis Centre can offer support for Women & Men experiencing or being affected by domestic abuse.
Working to protect and prevent abuse to older adults.
AGE UK offer help and support to vulnerable older people.
Loneliness, Suicidal thoughts, abuse. The Samaritans can offer suport.
Help with Domestic Violence.
Offers advice and support to move beyond the impact of crime.
National free helpline.
Counselling Service
Advice for children in need of help and support
Helpful advice about many problems.
Bootstrap 3 has been noted as one of the most reliable and proven frameworks and Mobirise has been equipped to develop websites using this framework.
Report online sexual abuse.
Domestic abuse information.
24 hr helpline. Turning victims into survivors.
Advice for domestic abuse.
Advice & help. Make a referral.
Advice and support for those affected by Stalking.
0808 802 0300
0808 801 0327
0800 200 0247
0300 303 0554
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People of any age can find themselves homeless for many reasons, it s far too easy for us to ignore them and turn a blind eye, but what if it was you that lost your job, could not afford to pay rent on the benefit supplied and was suddenly forced to live on the streets?
Remember not everyone has family and friends around to help, and even if they do many will not help when times are that rough, they wrongly put the blame on the individual.
Lack of shelter from the elements, lack of enough and suitable food or the money to purchase it already place the individual's health at risk, but the winter weather can be the last straw.
WINTER CAN KILL !
If you see someone sleeping rough, all it costs is a phone call !
0300 500 0914
OR USE THE APP BELOW.
